Many of our congregations today have elderly members, but not all! There are new families coming in with small children and there are those, in the Church, who are married and now having children—starting their families. And what a wonderful thing this is! Many brethren comment on how nice it is to have a “crying baby” in the congregation again.
Yet, there are no special Sabbath schools. No Sabbath nurseries. And certainly parents are not expected to leave their children home. As I think back on my history in God’s Church, it has almost always been this way. I remember lots of families and lots of children and teens throughout the years. Of course, there were babies crying here, some teens passing notes and of course, children being a little disturbing. However, over all, I recall children in Church behaving quite well, which tells me it can be done!
Would you like your children to act better in services—each and every parent in God’s Church has a personal responsibility to train your children for Sabbath services. Each parent needs to go to work on having the kind of children that will allow them to get the most benefit out of Church services. From a former Church child, who sat quiet and behaved, J here are some helpful guidelines of child rearing explained.
Our modern-day world has twisted and perverted every good thing in God’s design. We live in the midst of men and women trapped in a destructive scenario of role-reversal, which has led to the sad situation of letting someone else raise their children (Titus 2:1-10). Mothers today are working hard to help support the family and stop just long enough to give birth—then they sprint back to work again. This bleeds over into many denominations, which have “Sunday school.” But is this the sort of thing God really wants? Absolutely not! This is not what the Church of God practices, this is not what the Bible teaches and we certainly don’t have to apologize for the truth!
We are all “called out” of this world of abject darkness into the marvellous light of God (Eph. 5:8). We are here to recapture true values and its high-time all that is wrong comes to a screeching stop—it’s about time that parents get themselves back into the proper God-given role of teaching their own children.
The Apostle Paul admonished Titus to direct the young women to, “be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed” (Titus 2:4-5). Two of the most critical values a young mother has to learn are: 1—to learn to keep the home as a true housewife should and 2—to learn as God intended to love and care for their children. Yes, our modern world, as directed by Satan the devil, has perverted this God ordained purpose, but it doesn’t make it right and never forget who the author is of this twisted thinking. God never intended young children to be “farmed out” for someone else to take care of—especially including their religious training and attendance of Church services. Parents have the express responsibility, with genuine love, to form and fashion the minds of their children.
Solomon sagely expressed: “The rod and reproof give wisdom: but a child left to himself bringeth his mother to shame” (Prov. 29:15). God does not want children left alone to their own devices or to be taught totally separate from parents. Yes, as children grow up they are off to school for a portion of the day, but not in place of parental observation and care in learning. Time is of the essence—use the time with your children wisely—“time flies”—take advantage of every opportunity. The Bible simply does not show it to be the job of “Church or state” to raise your children. Your children require your time!
In Matthew 14 we read the account of Jesus “feeding the 5,000.” He fed the great multitude of people with five loaves of bread and two fish—truly a miracle. Yet, when they were done how did they leave the place? Notice, “they took up of the fragments that remained” (v20). Another lesson to be learned—one of cleanliness, order and leaving the place better than you found it. Jesus had the multitude sit in the grass (v19)—we do not read about pushing and shoving in line or disorder. And of whom did the multitude consist—“men, besides women and children” (v21)! Families sitting together and listening together as Christ preached His sermon and learning together! Nothing can replace being together as a family to bind dad, mom and children into one happy, cohesive entity.
I’m saddened to hear that some brethren come to Church, but one or the other parent doesn’t even hear the messages. Why? They are out in the hallway or some other place trying to desperately “hush” an unruly child. This is a tremendous loss! When children are brought to Church they are expected to act respectfully and be obedient—not like so many untrained dogs that I often see running around the neighbourhood. There are some definite should not’s: they should not tear or write in songbooks, should not fight with other children, should not bring loud toys, should not pop bubble gum or make loud, weird noises during the sermon, should not pull hair, should not run loose before and after services, should not throw tantrums, kick chairs, mark floors or walls and should not use a Bible as a Frisbee. The list could go on, but I hope we get the point. Occurrences like these should never happen and they don’t need to if we come to realize properly how children should act.
Some may ask, “How can I expect my child to sit quite for two whole hours each week?” The answer is that you can’t if they are running uncontrollably wild the rest of the week. Parents cannot come to Sabbath services to train their children for Sabbath services. This is undoubtedly one of the biggest mistakes of all. The primary principle of child rearing, and dog training for that matter, is to always be consistent. Be consistent in your training. Consistent in your teaching and example! Be consistent in your punishment. If your child tears books, knocks over chairs, writes on the walls and throws unchecked tantrums at home during the week, he will not cease and desist because he is going to Church. Training a child how to act properly in certain situations is not a two hour per week job—it’s a day-in and day-out responsibility aside from your own personal daily prayer and Bible study.
So if you want your child to sit quietly and decently in Church—to sit still and “chill”—you will have to design periods of quiet time at home. At a specified time of the parents choosing a child can stop play and sit quietly on a chair or if the child is younger, perhaps on the floor with a blanket. This doesn’t mean go to extremes! Your children don’t have to play Church for two hours every day without making a peep, or else! Of course, this is unreasonable, especially during the nice summer days when all of their friends are outside playing. Nevertheless, some time should be set aside allowing you time to work with your children with the overall objective in mind of having quiet, respectful and obedient children. In fact, if the situation warrants it, what a perfect opportunity to combine this activity with your own daily Bible study!
This is for your children’s own good—and yours—in learning how to prepare their lives for future years—and all that life brings. When school begins they will learn more—why—because they will be sitting still and paying attention as they were taught at home and Church. So you see, this pattern goes well beyond two hours a week. This learned behaviour will set a permanent impression with children that will help them mature as respectful young boys and girls and extend well into their adult lives as well-equipped individuals. If children are taught to respect your laws they will learn to respect God’s laws (Deut. 6:4-9), which governs everlasting life.
One may wonder at what age should training begin? Training begins at birth. Inevitably, one of the first trips a newborn baby will make is to Church. Generally it is a good idea to give baby and mother a few weeks before making any major outside trips. This gives both of them the time to develop strength and proper antibody properties in the baby (Lev. 12). Don’t be too anxious, give it some time! What do brethren do, as soon as, they see newborn babies—everyone has to hold them. And so, depending on congregation size, the baby is passed around a dozen or more times, which is out of sorts and not a part of the babies previous normal schedule. Church then begins, the baby is disrupted and upset, and mom and/or dad end up spending half the time out in the hallway trying to bounce and soothe a crying baby to sleep. Early on it is wise not to “show off” your baby so much, even though, you may be busting at the seams to do so—and rightly so—it’s an exciting time. Politely explain this to the brethren. Mothers will already understand this. It is not a good idea to constantly shuffle around and uncover a sleeping baby. There will be plenty of time for show-and-tell in the weeks ahead. Of course, people can look and if a few hold the already awake baby, it’s not the end of the world, but the rest of us can certainly help new parents and babies by following this principle for the first few weeks.
Time flies—as they say—weeks and months will go by very quickly! And as the child grows, you as parents will steadily learn many more things about how to attend services with a child; yet, get the most out of it. We have one day a week for the spiritual nourishment of God’s Word as given from His ministers—we all need the maximum benefit of this teaching and time (Heb. 10:24-25). Again, though, as parents you cannot expect your child to do well at Church if you are not reinforcing these principles the other six days of the week, at home. Early on young children will generally sleep for a good portion of the Church service, if not all. Even at home parents will put their children down to sleep at night, but almost always for an afternoon nap. Children get accustomed to this routine including their surroundings. They get use to their crib or daybed, but you can’t take it all to Church. Then parents get to Church and struggle getting their children to nap on the floor—remember—it’s out of the child’s element. What follows—discipline? There is certainly nothing wrong with disciplining children to make them go to sleep. But it is ineffective if it’s a one-day-a-week effort. So work with your children at home. Do it often. Every now and then, put your children down for a nap on a blanket similar to what you would do at Church. And why not try to do it about the same time of day as you would ordinarily attend Church on the Sabbath? And since it is about the same method and same time as Church, why don’t you as a parent use this time effectively by getting in some Bible study? The overall result will be a family Sabbath with the least amount of time spent with either parent out in the hall, soothing an irritable child out of his element and getting practically nothing out of services.
A number of times in the past few years I’ve heard parents mention to me how their children commented about something pertaining to the sermon—even though they were seemingly not listening. Once children start reaching the age of four or five years old—they are school age—the afternoon naps start to taper off and they can now begin to sit quietly, listen and learn something. Yes, they can certainly learn in Church. As children are taught at home, as they pay attention at Church, this training can become very helpful in their success in school, as well.
Upon entering first grade children begin to read and write. Of course, it is crude at first, but slowly those mix of letters become words and so forth. At this point children could also begin bringing their own special Bible and a notepad to Church. No, they won’t get much down on paper at first, but a few words here and there and a few reference scriptures is certainly plausible. Think of the tremendous blessing your children have in learning God’s way of life from childhood (2 Tim. 3:15). It won’t come naturally! And how parents teach their children, whom God has given them, will greatly determine their effectiveness in God’s government in Tomorrow’s World.
Diligence, time and consistency are paramount. The more effort one puts into these areas the fewer intervals you will have to spend out in the hallway with your children. Ideally, the time spent out of services should be an exception. However, there will inevitably be times when a child needs to be disciplined. It should be obvious, but the middle of the Church hall, in front of everyone, is not the place to discipline. The child naturally cries, you bring undue attention to yourself—it’s embarrassing to you and disruptive to the members and the minister. Never discipline your child in the middle of services. It is best to be seated in an area where it is easy for you to get out; perhaps, on an outside aisle or near the back. When your child needs to be spanked, one of the parents should calmly take up the child to a place completely away from the hearing of others—often dependant on the setup of the Church hall (designated closet, restroom, etc.). Never spank in anger—be calm and methodical. And always be careful not to discipline your child in plain view of non-church members. We live in a very mixed-up world, which is contrary to God’s way. Whether at a restaurant or any public place—do not discipline your child in public for the world to see. In that instance you may have to explain to your child—very quietly, but sternly—he will be punished when he gets home—often this is sufficient to diffuse the situation. However, you must be sure to follow through—be consistent! Remember we are to be lights (Matt. 5:13-16). How your children behave in services may be seen by a number of others—janitors, hall managers or other groups within the hall. This means that parents must be diligent in their training at home throughout the week—if this is done the times in public will be far fewer and more effective with the least severity. When it comes to discipline at Church, use wisdom.
Sometimes members feel obligated to attend Church under any and all circumstances (Lev. 23:1-3)—no matter what! This has led some parents, in their zeal, to bring children to Church that are sick and the child clearly should not have been there. Today, more than ever it seems, daycares and schools are like a “petri dish” for germs and diseases. My nieces and nephew are always sick because of what they catch at school. In turn this usually makes its “rounds” through the rest of the family. Children, with lesser immune systems,” are more susceptible to numerous colds, flus and diseases—chicken pox, mumps, measles and etc.—“childhood diseases.” This possibly exposes the whole Church—including elderly members who may not be able to handle these sicknesses. Will some jump in the other ditch and use this as an excuse not to attend Church regularly? Yes! But that is between them and God (Phil. 2:12). Ministers strive to inspire all the members to be zealous and to get the most out of God’s Word. Naturally, every single one of us should strive to attend services every single possible Sabbath that we can, but we must also be: “wise as serpents and harmless as doves” (Matt. 10:16). If you know your child is running a fever, breaks out with a rash, has swollen glands in the neck, one parent should remain home that week with the child. If your children catch one of the “childhood diseases,” one should stay home until the contagious period is past. Educate yourself with these details. Never use this as an excuse not to be at Church on the Sabbath, but use wisdom and discretion—when in doubt, don’t do it. Additionally, you can always call your minister with any questions.
I can recall one Sabbath, during the sermon, when a child in the congregation innocently blurted out, “Are you done yet?” One of the most exciting times for children and perhaps one of the most exasperating times is when the service is over. Brethren are walking around and enjoying fellowship and from the child’s perspective, they are “set free!” They have been sitting for two whole hours, they are full of “spit and vinegar” and now the action begins. After Church the children like to “let off some steam,” but far too often parents haphazardly watch and children are off to the races and running around. This is a challenge when you are trying to fellowship with brethren you haven’t seen all week, but it must a parental policy to always be aware of where your children are at all times. And try not to be offended if brethren lend a helping hand in this regard (Ps. 119:165). Certainly, children can play with other children after services. We want them to look forward to and enjoy the Sabbath when they see all their friends again—it must be special for them too. However, this is not license for a mini-Olympics to include foot races, floor wrestling and the like! If children are free to run, they can easily run into someone; perhaps, an elderly member and people get knocked down and sometimes hurt. Children should walk, talk and play, but it may be best if it is in a designated area (under the supervision of parents or an assigned adult). This way, the children enjoy each other, but are never allowed to run loose screaming and yelling and carrying on out of control!
Our congregations are growing and this will include children. Although, our children on the whole do very well—there is always room for improvement. If parents will diligently go to work on their children (Prov. 22:6) and concern themselves with getting the most out of services, we will all experience the richly rewarding feeling of accomplishment and will know the true blessings of happy obedient children. This will be true on the Sabbath and during the week!
Comments